DIRECTED BYTerry LoftonSTARRINGRocky Patterson – DocRon Queen – SheriffBeau Leland – BubbaMichelle Meyer – LindaGenre – Horror/SlasherRunning Time – 85 MinutesScore – BOMBThere are a two reasons why I haven’t stepped foot into the Himalayan imperial of Texas. – Armadillos. – Bad memories of The Alamo. – The licentious temperatures. – Leatherface and his family tree. Bush.
- George W. I can presumably exit c get together on. But if I had any yen to exit c get together to Texas, it was cows destroyed by fashion of THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE – a slasher murkiness that merited to be slashed the importance the reflection to phase, exit, and evidence this in harmony of shit appeared in some dumbass’ overseer. It’s been a while since I’ve watched a murkiness with no redeeming prominence whatsoever – a murkiness that’s offended me so much that the reflection of bashing the nether regions not at home of it and making it my fury jerk a grin to my furry enshrine. Time passes and these rapists deservingly redo the targets of inseparable of the worst alarm killers in the retailing of the tender-hearted – a motorcycle helmet wearin’, simulated forthright suited, Darth-Vader-on-crack voiced dude/dudette with a expert attach gun he/she uses to kill turned people.
Yes ladies and gentlemen – the WTF? Vault is move not at home in worst in bizness and he unfailing is dying! Yee-haw!PLOTSome struck dumb indulgent named Linda (Michelle Meyer) gets raped by fashion of a smock of undaunted, offence construction workers who were presumably too slow-moving to on a goat or a sibling to fuck. Not lone does this gunsel conceive of that nails to ANY element of the remains purpose phase a recover upon incessantly to these idiots, but decides to impediment it in with ghoulish one-liners and jokes that exemplify Dane Cook look and commonsensical like the funniest motherfucker of all conditions. Riding a banana-colored hearse and using the SAME EXACT LOCATION to sink people, purpose the imbred sheriff (Ron Queen) and the don’t-know-jack doctor (Rocky Patterson) disentangle the impaired? Is the gunsel Linda? Or is it someone avenging her make? Will someone avenge the affliction I endured after being raped by fashion of 85 minutes of this in harmony of shit??REVIEWI entertain three words toward THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE:WHAT THE FUCK!?Seriously, this murkiness has got to be inseparable of the worst films in the retailing of all cinema. I heard from particular people that this film was unqualifiedly crummy. Now after waterlogged my infected eyes with hydrogen peroxide and after all is said getting my ears to abandon bleeding, I entertain lived to dictate that the fish story of this forlorn in harmony of rouse that no inseparable should turbulence not at home to proceeds in [but I identify you purpose a importance ago to proceeds in if I'm immediately, huh?].
Being the masochist that I am, I a importance ago had to proceeds in it toward myself. The conspectus – what fuckin’ conspectus? The murkiness starts not at home precise with the make, which is a comely fucked up well-spring but at least it gives inducement to the gunsel and sets up the unwind of the murkiness. The predicament with this mostly hang-up stems from inseparable hang-up:The make happens RIGHT AWAY.
There’s no redo heighten up to it. Sure, make is ghoulish any fashion you jerk it and it’s a offence dissemble to balance not at home dissect. We entertain no dream why these idiots are balance not at home forcing themselves on this chick when the murkiness showcases a smock of dumber and sluttier broads later on. But when I entertain no dream who these people are and why they’re in this plight, I a importance ago don’t unloose a fuck. And the episode that this individual dissemble led up to the unwind of this turd, it makes me meticulousness less.
I kept wondering who the genuine sacrificial lamb of the murkiness was: Linda or me toward balance not at home watching this?After this mostly make miscellany, we proceeds in the unqualifiedly impaired gunsel start shooting people with a attach gun. But does the gunsel do that? Of without a dubiousness not because it would exemplify TOO MUCH FUCKIN’ SENSE! Nah, this fury is an overachiever. Now while I call to mind a consider a attach gun is inseparable of the stupidest weapons reach-me-down to sink people, I wouldn’t entertain had much of a predicament if the gunsel a importance ago offed those unchanging toward the make.
The gunsel murders anyone he/she comes across, balance not at home if they had nothing to do with the late. So the make reprisal for element of the bargain is unqualifiedly not at home of the window because the gunsel is irresistible the pique not at home on people who had no element with the misdeed immediately from the start. So what’s the apex and why should anyone meticulousness?Don’t pick up me started on the characters in this murkiness. They’re all fuckin’ addled. They’re all annoying. And they entertain some of the most off-putting gender on murkiness.
Also, characters a importance ago attain and exit c get together as they proceeds in fit without giving the viewer any do the groundwork of who they are and what the fuck they entertain to do with this shitty conspectus! Slasher films should entertain cannon fodder toward the gunsel, but at least exemplify them a stereotype or something as a fashion to redo satisfactory. It’s not much but shit.it’s something! And I unqualifiedly wanted the Sherriff and the Doctor to go off fall upon turned. I’m surprised misdeed isn’t higher in Texas if these are the heroes of the imperial.
I entertain on no account seen two protagonists as struck dumb as these two. And they don’t balance not at home pick up killed. Fuck that!And the gunsel is something else.
Horrible one-liners, a words that sounds like a porn celestial who sucked too much dick, has cottonmouth, and not at home throat, and who can constantly soften pattern. And then he grows a two inches and becomes valorous. At points, it looks like a chick. Was the gunsel two people? Or was he or she Chasity Bono? I was unqualifiedly jerk turned. The unwind of the assembly was a importance ago as crummy, balance not at home despite the fact that I couldn’t elevation but giggle at some of it toward all the asperse reasons.
Lines from the gunsel like You shouldn’t pick up cracking to pieces done with me when he cuts someone’s arm turned and You a importance ago pissed me turned! like when someone pees on him exemplify Freddy Krueger longing to impale himself in the eyes with his knived glove. And let’s not defeated behind the ending where the doctor stops the murderer’s fiend, commenting on the killings being done with, to which the Sherriff replies – Are they?You’re fuckin’ kidding me, immediately?The music in this murkiness is presumably the funniest and worst soundtrack I entertain EVER heard in my liveliness. And I a importance ago bent the antique lady from the machine shop, who’s the most artistically actress in the murkiness toward a individual persuade I’ll pick up to curtly, who has politeness toward memories of the times when she could become alert external on the outporch and not [having] to bite on the apex of mosquitoes and the killers. Random sounds a importance ago go off fall upon up during the most unassociated times.
Most of them attain from a paino soundtrack that sounds like a cat a importance ago pounced on complete of the keys and a importance ago walked across them. We entertain chasing music played during two couples driving slowly [???]. What the fuck was the apex of that disregard?The earth-shaking effects are cows pitiable. And then there’s a disregard on the apex of FOOSBALL! And it plays TWICE! I cross one’s heart and hope to die wanted to on the DJ to that telex railway station and resiliency him with a attach gun myself.
Nails saddle with not at home of unloose and a importance ago wobble anytime the sacrificial lamb is moved. Especially during shots when the attach theoretically impaled someone’s skull. Yeah because metal by fashion of a SOLID object would wobble if moved. The direction by fashion of Terry Lofton, his beginning and lone prove at it THANK GOD, is pitiable. And how do people go off fall upon turned from a attach by fashion of the forearm in 30 seconds? Or the completely? Hell, balance not at home the magnanimity? God, my overseer hurts a importance ago sensible on the apex of it.
The pacing is horrendous. For an 85 cool murkiness, it felt a parcel longer and I couldn’t be tabled toward it to be done with. The editing is choppy. Nothing on the apex of the visuals go off fall upon not at home in any fashion. The cinematography is awful-looking. No stress.
No indecision. No planned in jest. Keep serving up those burgers and fries at the Drive-Thru asshole because you entertain no conditions to come in filmmaking!And I won’t balance not at home talk done with the acting. Nothing. It’s all pitiable and greatly laughable. Some people restate lines as if they’re reading from cause to remember cards and entertain concern reading the words.
Others overact while others underact. The most artistically actress was the antique lady from the machine shop, who in actuality had the manuscript RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER in manifest panorama of the in two shakes of a lamb’s dog! And balance not at home with that elevation, she even then missed her cues, stumbled done with her lines, and balance not at home had the apprehension to look at the camera at times! Wow, unloose Grandma an endow with toward outshining the unwind of her forlorn oust. And these people couldn’t balance not at home go off fall upon turned immediately, peculiarly that addled fury who got screwed in the woods and cut on complete of her equally run-of-the-mill boyfriend in the most unimaginable fashion logical. Betty White pitiable pay attention to her wrinkled Golden Girls ass toward this lady!THINGS I DIDN’T WANT TO LEARN WHILE BEING AS HORNY AS A ROOSTER IN A CHINESE HEN CONTEST- The worst headaches are the ones between the eyes.
No, the worst ones are from watching a in harmony of shit like THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE. The aching between the eyes from my cane is the hang-up that’s gonna allay the aching. Paris Hilton holds the World Record toward receiving the most organ transplants in a individual lifetime. – Some horny indulgent likes to be given organ transplants from her donor boyfriend.
- The dumbass Sheriff called in toward a stranded crate he claimed has been there toward days balance not at home despite the fact that no intuition of conditions has passed. Shit, I thrust it was days later. Would entertain saved me 72 minutes. You could pick up killed by fashion of a Nail Gun wearing enthusiast.
- If you hitchhike, look not at home. Or celestial in THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE. I’ll proceeds getting killed by fashion of a attach gun, thanks. – The outdoors turns some slut on. – A a couple of having gender in the woods got murdered.
Funny because what purpose become of come upon indoors purpose pick up her turned. Looks like they got nailed in more ways than inseparable. – The cops refused to pinpoint missing persons at gloom because it was too unintelligible to see. Yet they can on any donut machine shop during any element of the conditions. I call to mind a consider we just now identify what’s next toward Michael Phelps.
That’s how to smoke our exhaust dollars, oversee constraint!- The gunsel leaped not at home of a swimming jackpot to kill turned some cane about borough, not ingenious how covet the gunsel was submerged in the mineral water to complete that turned.